Toilet Training and Deficit Spending

So, I finally got a call about Ruslan’s walker on Friday afternoon.  The insurance company will cover $600.  The walker originally cost about $2,000 but the man on the phone said they would reduce their price to $1,350, leaving us to cover about $750.   Apparently, I paused effectively enough during our conversation to evoke pity because when I didn’t respond right away the man on the phone mentioned that he had a walker on hand (that someone donated recently) and it might work for Ruslan.  It needs a minor repair, so he was going to try to get a part for it and offered it to me for the cost of the repair. 

This was great news because our toilet is clogged again.  You may remember an earlier post in which Ruslan, our brilliant 7 year old, spent some time in the bathroom flushing the contents of the girls “Hair Stuff” drawer down the toilet.  We called a plumber and finally had to replace the whole toilet for $600.   

Well, a few weeks ago, Will was sitting on his personal, miniature potty and spraying urine all over the floor.  So, I got out a little plastic disk that fits into the front of his toilet to take care of that “garden hose” effect.  When Will got up, he knocked the plastic disk into his little potty and when I dumped his poop in the big potty (aka toilet), I forgot to take it out and therefore, I flushed it. 

It’s stuck somewhere in the middle of our brand new $600 toilet.  This was actually a few weeks ago.  I’ve been putting off calling the plumber.  I just couldn’t handle it emotionally.  I’ve actually been using the plunger every time someone uses that toilet.  It only takes a few plunges to get the stuff past the plastic disk and I’ve been secretly hoping that I might be able to plunge it out and down to the septic and save us the cost of another new toilet.  HOWEVER, it’s been a few weeks now and I’m starting to lose confidence. 

Will was kind enough to justify my stalling on Sunday.  I wanted desperately to take a Sunday afternoon nap.  I’d had a rough Saturday night (explanation to follow) and I really wanted some afternoon shut-eye.  Bill was on a business trip, so it was just me and the kids.  I knew it was risky, but I was desperate.  So, I put up one baby-gate and secured Will in the playroom with Matt and used the other baby gate to block-off the stairs.  Then, since Will is still water obsessed, I locked the water dispenser on the fridge, locked the downstairs bathroom, got the kids locked onto the TV, and then locked myself in my bedroom.   

Order of Events for Naptime:

1:00  Nervana.  I lay down in my quiet room, on my soft pillow and I think if I wasn’t so tired, I would have cried with joy.

1:01  Sleep

1:05  Sharon picks the lock on my bedroom door and tells me that she’s bored.

1:06  I tell Sharon to go away, she tears up.  I feel terrible, pause for effect, and then tell her to go get some stories so we can read together.

1:10  Sharon falls asleep next to me and for the next 20 minutes, life can get no better. 

1:30  I hear Reilly call for me in a somewhat panicked voice…..

I slide Sharon off my arm, totter downstairs and find Reilly in the bathroom doorway.  She is yelling at Will who is on the floor, soaking wet, and sitting in a puddle of toilet water.

Apparently, the Order of Events REALLY went like this:

1:00  Nervana.  Mom is upstairs and kids have 30 minutes of TV.  If they weren’t so engrossed, they would have cried with joy.

1:01  Argument over channels, Sharon loses and makes her way upstairs to Mom.

1:05  Reilly goes to the bathroom and forgets to re-lock the door.

1:06  Will tell’s Matt that he wants out of the playroom and Matt kindly lifts him over the gate.

1:10  Will makes his way to the bathroom, finds the door open and for the next 20 minutes, life can get no better. 

1:30  Reilly discovers Will in the bathroom and calls for Mom in a somewhat panicked voice. 

So, I grabbed a bunch of bath towels, threw them on the floor and re-locked the bathroom door.  After I cleaned up Will and the bathroom (were well past 2:00 by now), I went back downstairs and tried to flush the toilet.  Of course, it wouldn’t all go down, but it seemed a little slower than usual.  So, I got out the plunger and was lucky enough to get a few things back from the depths.  The toilet coughed up the American Girl hairbrush, two American Girl hair rollers, a marble and a plastic barrette.  

Apparently, Will was very busy, since we don’t keep anything in the bathroom anymore.  My boy made a few trips for flushable goods.  There’s more to be found.  It’s good and clogged now.  I had to call the plumber.  He’s coming tomorrow.

You may think that such a weekend would be depressing.  However, I’m an American.  I made $700 by not buying a walker and $600 by skipping a toilet replacement.  In the eyes of congress, I just made $1,300 in budget cuts.