Ruslan's "Gotcha Day"

Day 37

Vitals:  I decided early this morning to pray that we make it home by Thanksgiving.  After all, God Almighty holds the hearts of King and Princes in His hand!  He certainly should be able to motivate one judge…right?  Besides, there’s nothing to lose by asking.  I sent out a few prayer requests to family and friends and prepared to bolster my hopes.

THEN we saw Nadya.  The judge already called Oleg this morning and set our court date for November 9.  We were hoping for November 5.  This is four days later than normal.  After the ten day wait, it will now be November 19 when we get Roman and that will give us five days to make it home by Thanksgiving—“not possible”—and eleven days to make it home by the date of our most recent plane tickets, November 30.  Bear in mind, that when I pushed the date back, I went with a “worst case scenario.”  Now it looks like we’ll be lucky to make it home by November 30.

Not Vital, (but really, it is vital):  We got Ruslan today.  Here is the whole story, including Bill's edits.  

Bill started to get really antsy and worried last night, pacing the floors, wondering if we were about to ruin our lives by adopting a psychopath etc.[Deaton, Bill K]  (mainly because of the last year dealing with our eldest adopted son).  All the regular stuff.   I’m not smart enough to worry about things like that.  So, I really had nothing helpful to say beyond, “We’ve adopted twice and we’re not dead yet.  Why worry?”

In the morning, Bill was still antsy.  Nevertheless, Nadya got us a van and Bill went along with us to Vorzel.  I had thought about stopping at a local store to buy the orphanage a toilet seat.  All they have there is a cold ceramic bowl.  There is no actual seat.  For a few dollars, it seems like something easy to fix, but we didn’t really have time, and we needed to go to the store AFTER the visit as well.  Two visits in one day seemed extreme, so I let it go.

First we had to stop at the Vorzel court house to get some papers.  Bill noticed as we were leaving the court house that the driver was taking a new route. How could Bill know this?  You might wonder, since we had only been to the court house ONCE before?  Yet, he was right.  He got out his handy GPS after a few minutes and showed me that the green arrow was definitely NOT between the two red dots.  Not only that, it was going AWAY from the red dot that we wanted (Ruslan) and toward the red dot that we didn’t want at that moment (Roman).  Bill started dropping little hints about this by asking questions like, “Does the driver know where he is going?”  Nadya would helpfully answer, “yes.” And say no more.  Meanwhile, the green arrow kept getting farther and farther from the proper red dot.  I was just BEGGING him to let me take the GPS and show it to Nadya, but he wouldn’t let me (if you remember, I’m not actually authorized to touch his electronics except in extreme cases).  At one point Bill said, “We are now closer to Roman than Ruslan,” but he still would not let me show Nadya the dots. 

So, because we were on a detour and it looked like it would take a while, I used the time to talk to Nadya.  A few of the other moms who had adopted before me said that Bath and Body Works are a big deal here.  So, just before we left, I made a special trip to the local mall and spent a significant amount of cash on a supply of Bath and Body Works soap and hand cream as gifts for the caregivers.  I wasn’t sure how many women there were to buy for, so I had Reilly pick out some soap and hand cream to keep back to give Nadya later and put the rest in a bag.  I showed the bag to Nadya and asked her how to distribute them.  She said, “Is this Bath and Body Works?  Because I must ask you, why does everyone from America give me Bath and Body Works products?  I have some in my purse.”  As she said this, she pulled out a little bottle of the same kind of hand cream that was in my bags. Then she said, “You know, everyone gives this stuff to me. First, I got a little bottle from one mother and then I got a big bottle from another and then last week, I got two more bottles from Sandie (another mom).  Why does everyone give me this?”  I explained to her that it was all over the adoption blogs that Ukrainian women like Bath and Body Works and then made a mental note to give Reilly and Sharon the stuff we held back.

So, we finally made it, driving about fourteen miles to span a distance of three.  But, we did finally arrive.  The whole time, I kept thinking how hard this must be for Ruslan. I am not sure he even knew that today was The Day.  There’s just no way to know how much these kids actually get told.  We had to wait for him to get ready so I got out a string and started playing ‘cat’s cradle’ with Reilly and Sharon.  There was a little girl about seven in the next room from us and she kept watching us intently.  I finally walked over to her and, after considerable effort, taught her how to play.  By the time Ruslan arrived, I think she had caught on.  She was just thrilled when she got the last step down and saw that we were now repeating a pattern.  She was so sweet and endearing, I could have easily scooped her right up along with Ruslan and snuck her out.  But, all I could do was leave her with a warm smile and a piece of string.

Anyway, Ruslan arrived.  Bill met him in the hall and he burst into smiles and was very excited.  We had been told that the orphanage wanted his clothes back so Bill took him into another room to change him.  I forgot socks and we had no shoes.  I planned to bring socks and, since he can’t walk, just let him go shoeless until we got to a store, but we ended up borrowing socks, and they threw in the shoes as well.  The people here really like to bundle themselves and their kids up with a lot of clothes.  It isn’t even really cold out yet and still they bundle, so it took a few minutes to get enough layers on him to pass inspection.

By the time Bill brought Ruslan back into the main room, it had filled up with the other caregivers and orphans who had come to say goodbye.  Ruslan took a look around and got more and more quiet.  We decided to get a picture with Ruslan and all the caregivers.  Bill held him while they all surrounded him and I got a few shots before Ruslan burst into tears.  He was just sobbing.  Of course, that set the rest of us off.  The room was now full of crying middle-aged women [Deaton, Bill K]  and one middle-aged man.  The doctor immediately told Nadya that it was time for us to go, since he will only keep crying.  I thought they would all say goodbye one by one, but in the end, we were kind of whisked out of there.  Bill actually took him to the waiting cab while I stayed behind and got pictures.   I got his bedroom, and eventually found his bed, then I got the rooms where he had spent most of the last seven years and a few of the caregivers who were late arrivals and then we left.

As we were getting in the van, one of the caregivers came over to make sure that Ruslan had his blue prayer book.  Nadya translated that after he had surgery, he had no painkiller for his legs.  This must have been excruciating for him, since with CP, certain tendons will tighten from lack of use.  They put little cuts in his tendons, sort of like swiss cheese and stretched his legs out and put them in a cast with a metal bar to keep his legs spread apart so the tendons would heal longer and be stretched out.  In America, this surgery is done, but it’s not very common since usually the tendons can be stretched by….stretching.  Truth be told, I think it did help, since he was really contracted in some of his early photos, but they did no follow up therapy so I think we could have done just as well without the surgery. 

I had actually heard about this situation before.  One of my friends sent me a newsletter last February.  It was from a missionary in Ukraine who wrote about a boy with CP in an orphanage.  The boy had surgery and wasn’t given any pain killer after the surgery.  Someone from the hospital finally called asking if the missionary would buy the pain killer for the boy, which he did.  They included a photo and, lo and behold, it was Ruslan.  That is how I found out about the surgery.  There was nothing I could do.  If they had let us know, we certainly would have provided everything Ruslan needed, but no one told us anything.  Technically, he was not our son, so we had no involvement in the matter. 

Anyway, this woman had been with him after the surgery and told him to pray to God and ask Him to take the pain away.  Ruslan said it would not work, but she told him to try.  Then Ruslan said he didn’t know how, so she bought him a little blue prayer book and he had memorized some of the prayers in it.  Ruslan had the blue book with him along with a stuffed green cat and a stuffed orange tiger.  He had this all in a pink plastic bag that he was clutching for dear life.  So, we got moving with Ruslan sitting on Bill’s lap and looking like he was about to leave his home forever, which he was.  About five seconds down the road, he got the orange tiger out of his bag and squeezed it.   Sadly, it was battery operated tiger with a tiny internal speaker that belted out a loud, tinny rock song, every time he squeezed it[Deaton, Bill K] …all at about 120db (a person yelling is about 90db). It was one of those catchy tunes that are annoying the FIRST time you hear them.  Ruslan squeezed it repeatedly and, God bless him, Bill let it go.    

We drove a few blocks to a local bank where Nadya said Ruslan had some money in his account.  She said that as a courtesy, adoptive parents just donate the money to the orphanage, since it is usually a small amount.  This was fine with Bill and I, so I left Bill in the car with the kids and went into the bank with Nadya to make the transfer.  I signed a few papers, pocketed the receipt and switched with Bill so he could sign.  This is when it became all the more obvious that I am still on the “B” team.  Ruslan sat next to me, but when Bill got back in the van, he made it clear that he wanted back on Bill’s lap.  Bill held him tightly all the way to the Ashan (Ukrainian Wal-Mart) while Ruslan looked forlorn and squeezed the singing tiger.  My mother in law, who is a generous, caring woman, has an evil habit of buying my kids electronic singing toys.  We try to destroy them as soon as possible.  All I could think of was that, even half a world away, they find us. 

 

I had bought an umbrella stroller before we came here, but Bill and I both agreed that we are going to need something more sturdy for Ruslan.  Plus, even though Roman can walk, he is a little slow.  So, we are going to need two.  We stopped by the Ashan to get a stroller for Ruslan and some shoes.  That sure perked him up. He cracked a smile as soon as we walked in the store and he has been on cloud nine ever since.  The stroller was about $100 and we spent another $50 on shoes, groceries and lunch.  We got home about 2:00.  Nadya said the cab was another $100 or 800 grivna total for the six hours.  It’s starting to get a little sobering, handing out huge grivna notes over and over again. 

Anyway, Ruslan was now all smiles.  When we got in our apartment, he took a “peesit” break and then we just let him scoot around. He’s too heavy to hold up all the time and he has been combat crawling all his life, so off he went.  He got into everything.  He opened every door.  He emptied every drawer (I made him put it all back).  He re-arranged things.  He took the boys school books and put them in the kitchen drawer with the pot lids.  He took  his pink plastic bag with the book, cat and tiger and put it in the pot drawer.  He took ALL the blankets for the kids bedding and had me make a bed for him—using ALL of them, mind you—on the couch.  He patted it and then scooted away.  He and Reilly spent about 30 minutes playing with some water in the bathtub and when that was over, he went back to the kitchen. 

Then things got interesting.  He started taking stuff out of the kitchen cabinets and handing it to Reilly.  He very earnestly wanted her to put it on the table.  He was so insistent about this that I let it go.  He started out with our big plastic mixing bowl, then he had Reilly put about half our silverware in it.  Then he wanted to pile a few cups and bowls on top.  Reilly started getting artistic and made sort of a still life, with the silverware sticking up inside the bowl.  I told Reilly she didn’t have to stay with him, but she seemed content, so I left Ruslan to his artwork.  By the time I came back in the kitchen, he had taken about half the food out of our cabinets and Reilly had piled it on the table.  I never did figure out why some things made it to the table and others stayed in the cabinet, but he was very particular about what went where.  I left the room. 

A few minutes later, I heard Ruslan calling, “Mama!  Papa!” and Reilly came out looking for us.  We finally realized he wanted us to sit around the table.  Matt and Paul came in, very kindly, and sat around the still life.  By the time Bill came in the room, Ruslan had caught on enough to tell him, “sit down! sit down!” So we all sat around the table and he very proudly presented us with his version of Babette’s Feast. 

That was pretty much our day.  He scooted around the rest of the evening, stopping only for dinner and a bath.  He already knows a few words.  His sleeves were down and he held his arm up to Bill and said, "up."  Which is a huge thing to me, since it is a concept, rather than a noun like "fork."  We had to take his super-bed apart, but he seemed OK with it.  We also took the battery out of his annoying tiger.  He wasn’t too happy, but he didn’t cry.  He had a hard time going to sleep, [Deaton, Bill K] it took about 2 hours for him to finally get to sleep, but he was reasonably good about staying in bed.  Bill looked out about a dozen times and after all the other kids had fallen asleep, he was  quietly playing with two erasers. 

After he went down, Bill started looking through all the paperwork we got from the bank.  The money we transferred turned out to be—35,000 grivna—over $5,000.  I should have slept peacefully, thinking about how well the day had gone and how grateful I am for my new son.  But I didn’t.  I spent the night thinking over that 35,000 grivna and wondering, with that much money in his account, why they couldn’t afford painkillers for my son after his surgery ...and how am I ever going to forgive them?